anak

My Love,

You didn’t come with instructions.  Neither did I.  I apologize for that. What now, then?  How do I wipe that sadness off your sweet innocent face?

At such a tender age you now see life’s cruelties for 10 years I struggled to shield you from. The wall of trust, strength and comfort built around your sanctuary is slowly crumbling before your very eyes.  You now see the ugly truth that I am human too.

I should know how to handle the dainty china of your soul cabinet.  But I don’t.  Like you, I am with fear.  I should focus on you and your brother to guide me through this. But not even the brightest of colors can be seen in the dark.  No pigments can reflect in the absence of light.

Don’t fret, my love.  What I do know is, this is without permanence.  In time, life will be beautiful around you again.  Slowly you will grasp the magnificence of lessons learned by women from your generations past, lessons that you will take with you.

For now, listen to your heart.  The one that says nothing happening around you is your doing.  Adults make bad decisions. They don’t mean to most of the time.  It’s what they learned from their past or how they were brought up.  They are not bad people.  Neither are you.

In time, you will have your own set of truths.  Your own beliefs, opinions, philosophies. You will soon realize your unique wonderful gifts, both little and grand.  And you will fully embrace the idea that the greatest love you have is for yourself.  Once you do this, you will attract and choose the grandest opportunities, the kindest people, the best life partner.  How light your life will be!

That thing they say about dancing like no one is watching? Do that. Live in the honest truth of who you are. Then you have to claim your space.  Occupy it! Shrink away only when you want to.  When you need a break.

Always listen to fights.  Listen to understand.  Don’t listen to respond.  Listen to what the universe is shaking off from you when fights occur.  Know when it begs for fixing and when it is beyond repair.

You will feel sadness again in your life- the kind of sadness that turns into panic when you wake up at 3AM and have a full concept that you are completely alone.  That kind of panic.

But it passes.  It is only there for a few minutes.  You battle it with prayers.  With song.   With crying.  Crying is good.  It washes out toxins from your soul.  Corny I know, but it’s true.  And in most cases you deal with it via a long distance call from your best friend.

You need to laugh at yourself sometimes.  It is when you laugh at your failures, your insecurities and pain that you take away their power.  Keep friends who make you laugh and be that friend to others.  That is why Uncle Pops and I remain to be best friends to this day, and why Uncle Ben has kept me on his ‘call for emergency’ list on his phone all these years.

Work. Learn. Read. Stand up to bullies.  Give back.

Respect people.  Respect animals.  Respect Mother Earth. Focus on always being creative.

Love.  Open your heart to love. Love that defies inconvenience.  Love with a sin of passion.  It is why we are here on this earth.  You have to love.  You have to feel.  It will break you one way or the other, but you have to risk your heart and be swallowed up.  It is so worth it. Love is what brought you to me.

I'm here, always.

I love you forever.

Mommy

Originally posted on ispepsiok.wordpress.com